How do you solve a problem like Maria!

I believe every girl wants to have a little girl of their own when they grow up. I can't say how much I wanted a little girl. She would be beautiful, strong , kind, obedient, loving and would rule the world! When my Arie was born, I believe she was all that and then some. And as she grew, my husband and I knew that we were in for some rough times ahead.

She is headstrong, never admits she is wrong and never apologizes unless she gets something out of it. This makes us very sad. I love my daughter dearly, but tonight after a small incident that turned into the revelation of some serious dishonesty, arrogant..basically 'heart' issues filled with poor choices....I found myself at 10:30 pm by her bedside, crying and praying over her as she slept.

How do you solve a problem like Maria was one of my fav songs from a fav movie of mine. Sound of Music. And so when I was brainstorming a title for this blog, it naturally popped right in my head. It generally sums up my little headstrong girl. She's only 9, but we feel like we're losing her to herself. No matter how many times we talk to her and show her that we're there for her...love her....it's like we're tackling an unsolvable problem. I know we're not the first parents to have kids who have decided that they know all that is best, but it sure feels lonely. Just tonight we were sharing with some of our friends our frustrations, our triumphs in parenting our girl and the best advice emerged. Sometimes all you can do is pray. So tonight, that's just what I did. ..prayed and cried and prayed and cried.

I often see a lot of myself in her. It bothered me for awhile and to be honest I didn't know quite how to deal with it. In fact, I've made so many mistakes with her. But it was only when I realized I was being extra hard on her because I didn't want her to make mistakes or even the same mistakes I made, that I decided I should change the way I deal with her. I have had awful parents, parents who didn't have a clue how to parent, to love and parents who themselves were not parented. So many times I've felt lost and tried to talk to them from my heart, but I was always rejected in some way or the other. They even told me that I love to cry quickly and I should be tough. Well I took their advice and I survived . But I keep telling my daughter to talk to us, we love you and want the best for you. Why are you making us your enemies? I just don't get it. And we've tried so many things, and just when one strategy starts to work...we have to try another to suit the changing climate of this 9 year old girl.

Father, please help us with her. We love her so much, she is our first born and we cherish the years we have with her. Please show us how to be the parents she needs. We can no longer do it on our own...nor did we try. Please help us....Amen.

The House that was built upon the Rock

I am always looking at ways to communicate to my daughter. She's a very curious 9 year old and my husband always complains that I give her too much information. One of the things I do, to not go crazy or to keep my dreams alive is look at houses. I've never owned a house and it's a dream of mine to own one. I love big houses, where everything is big including the back yard.

So this morning, my daughter Arie and I are looking at houses in various states. This one state had lovely homes and great prices. We were really dreaming and enjoying ourselves. Talking about what we would do with the rooms, the backyard garden and swing set..etc etc. A few minutes later, when I was having a shower...it hit me. We can compare our lives to homes. I started thinking of how God created us and put the highest value that is possible on our lives. We are worth that much to him. So mentally, I'm telling my daughter this. (I have to prepare mentally cause she asks tough questions....) God placed the highest value on her just as an expert builder would expect his house that he built to be valued. People would come and want that house, but wouldn't want to pay that much for it...so they look for faults or ways they can help depreciate the value of the house. That's what some people do. They try to bring you down so they can control , manipulate or use you for their own purposes.

Image of the Mean Girl's cast. 

Then there is the depreciation value of the neighborhood. This is reflective of the friends we keep close to us. I was baffled the first time I heard this many years ago, that if the neighbor doesn't take care of his home or lawn, the value of your home can be depreciated. And it's so true with our own lives. Our value depreciates when we hang out and keep company with the wrong people. There are persons who look good, seem strong and loyal. But really they are weak, insecure, combative, polarizing, never compromising, ill reputation, immature and too toxic to be around. They can't get along with anyone, so they try to join your neighborhood to make themselves look good. God doesn't want our value to depreciate because of those people. He also doesn't want us to hate them. Recognise who they are and what they bring and pray for them.....show God 's love by example because only he can bring change to someone else's life. In doing that we grow in character and strength and therefore, God has effected change in our own lives.

The weather patterns also play and important role in attracting the right buyer for a house. Some states are so cold or so hot. There are states prone to hurricanes and tornadoes, flooding etc.These factors are not in our hands and they are representative of life's trials and tribulations. How a house prepares it self or deals with these spontaneous events also increases or decreases it's value. That's when home improvements need to be made to be more prepared and provide a safe haven for  it's owners. Just like our bodies. We face unexpected trials, death of loved ones and uncertainties. How we deal with it or learn from it says something about our value. And we make improvements to better gird ourselves for the next challenge. Dealing with these events and overcoming them are not just for our benefit but for others. We can help others who may be going through the same uncertainties by sharing our experiences with them. They, in turn, can share theirs which will also help to make us stronger.

Our foundation plays the most important part. House built on shady standings are easily destroyed. I would tell Arielle to build her house on the foundation of Jesus Christ. The living true God, the Rock of our salvation. When you build your home on great values, morals and righteous living, you are able to withstand all the things life throws at you. In this day of an overload of information and exposure to things that God calls sinful even today, we need a foundation in Christ. No matter how things change, our foundation and standards never change. It's what makes us strong and preserves our lives as landmarks despite the changing the times. I would admonish her to build her life upon these principles.

Young people have so many challenges in this new era which only means so many opportunities to reflect the love of Jesus and the Lordship of who he is in their lives. Don't let the world or people dictate your standards and your value. Don't let pressures make you into something you're not. Stand firm on the Rock!