When God closes one door another one opens.....usually better than the first. God has not forgotten you.

When we first moved to Michigan, I was excited at the fact that we were going to live on campus. Months in advance I checked out the MSU website and looked for all the activities arie and I could get involved in. It was really exciting. I knew I wouldn't be able to study till my husband was done with his degree, so I really wanted to busy myself. And as I couldn't work and my major responsibility was the kids and making sure my husband had all the support he needed to have a stress free time studying: I looked for ways to volunteer and get involved in community life.

In my teenage years I've always wanted to live the single life on campus. But as I've grown older (and wiser) I'm so glad that I never got that experience. Maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much. I prize my privacy and cleanliness, and having to share bathrooms and kitchens with people who are not of like-minds is an experience I would rather not have. Including all the parties and foolish behavior. Don't get me wrong, not everyone experiences this at college level. But knowing my luck.... that would've sure been my experience.

The first thing I did after settling in at the university apartments was to meet with people who were in charge of the various societies and organizations and look for volunteer positions. Vaughn and I met the director of the MSU international department, and he gave us some names and places to access resources that would make our experience an enjoyable one. Plus it was World Cup season, and there is nothing like World Cups season to a trini. It was a great experience watching the matches on big screens with countries all over the world being represented in the same place.
The first person I met with was extremely helpful and very nice. She is in charge of the family life resource center on campus, a great person to know. She gave such great insights and resource information. Health care info, education grants, childcare information.... etc. I was so glad I met with her. As a result of our meeting, I was quickly able to get things going in so many areas of our lives here in Michigan.

Well, as always, my life seems to attract some events that are not always pleasant. A vacancy became available on the board that represents the residents of those on campus: Public Relations Officer. I said this is perfect for me. They had some details about being proficient in web designing...but PR I know. So after some encouragement from the Co-Chair (even though I said I cannot do web design) I signed up for the position.
The time for the interview came around, and I saw that only one other person had applied for it. When I got into the interview and the questions were solely centered on web programming and design, I realized quickly this wasn't meant to be. So graciously I declined the position and ended my interview by offering my services in any other area that was suited for my qualifications.

During that interview time, I was so upset. 4 men and 1 woman interviewed me. One of the men asked me questions in such a way that was so insulting. It was almost of if he was so upset at my personality. I had to remind my self that where he came from women are very subservient and rarely had opportunities to hold positions, or even to say them out publicly. So if I spoke about my strengths, he would quickly turn things around and was so arrogant. At one point he even got up and left the interview.

I was very dejected when I came home. I probably didn't get over it for a long time. Vaughn was very encouraging; he really helped me get over. I felt as if I personally did something wrong. Why would someone be so mean and want to make me feel like I was nothing of value?

Well that was at the end of the month of June. On Friday August 27th, Vaughn happened to notice that there were activities taking place in the community. There were bouncy castles, face painting for kids and free food. Something Arie would never pass up or even Caiden for that matter. We went home, changed and went to the event.

While I was looking around at what was on display, one of the co-chairs came up to me and asked me why I didn't apply for the position of Events/Programme coordinator. It's a board position, much better than the one I interviewed for, and since they had a copy of my resume; he said it was right up my alley. I said to him, very nicely, you must be kidding me? After what I went through in that interview...thanks but no thanks. He said there were already 7 applicants and I said.... well I wish them luck. The deadline was the Sunday 29th anyway and I really didn't feel like putting myself through any more disappointments.

Vaughn tried to encourage me but in the end he told me whatever I wanted to do he will support. It's great having a husband who always has your back.
Before we left, another one of the co-chairs came up and said the same thing. He strongly insisted that I apply. So after I agreed, he said by the way.... it’s going to be an election because it's a board appointed post. Well it was too late to say no now...and so the nervousness began.
Speaking in front of people has never been a problem for me, but because of my interview experience with them, I was terribly nervous.

On the Tuesday (yesterday) of the elections, I never knew one could have gas pains as stress symptoms. I had the worst gas pain for the entire day, nothing soothed my stomach. I was in a mess. Vaughn insisted I was nervous, I asked him if he was serious? I had never heard of anyone complaining about gas pains when they were nervous before.

Well, one of the applicants walked in and within a few minutes, walked out. One of the board members ran behind her and came back saying she currently became unavailable. And some how, by some strange math, it became between me and another guy. Another guy who was best friends with the outgoing coordinator. Joy.

So as luck would have it, I spoke first. My theme was community, not just my 10+ years experience in the field but collective efficacy in the community. He on the other hand spoke about the fact that he was friends with the outgoing coordinator and worked with him on some of these programs already taking place. When I heard that I was a little worried. But he came across a little too arrogant. He had 2 things not in his favor: one, he was male, there were already too many males on the board, and a lot of people already complained about that. And 2, he aligned himself with an already failing former coordinator whose function I'm sure was already under question by his own peers. He did say in his speech that he was a natural fit and it would be an easy transition for him, and when he did get the position he would expect feedback. He was not prepared for the question, how long would you be available for. I would be there for the next 4-5 years, Him...1 year.
Well, after the votes were counted, I was declared the winner by simple majority. A nice way of saying " He lost badly." He didn't even turn to congratulate me, but I went to him and shook his hands. When the outgoing coordinator arrived (as he did with everything...late) he was so upset to know that I took his old position and that his friend didn't win. The outgoing coordinator was the very man who interviewed me, treated me like crap and walked out of the meeting. God truly had a sense of humor.

When God closes a door, he opens a better one for you. People must really be careful how they treat others; you never know when you would meet them again. I'm sure he learned his lesson.... well I hope. God did not forget me.......and neither would he.....lol.

"...Not Without My Daughter!"

     If you haven't seen the movie "Not Without My Daughter”, you should rent it. I believe it came out in  '89.  It is a controversial film that showcases the various struggles of an American woman while living with her husband and daughter in a foreign country that promoted strange values and principles.

    Well yesterday I had a 'Not without my daughter' experience. No it had nothing to do with my husband and abuse of any kind, but more with how parents are raising their young men to interact with young women. Being a mother of a boy and a girl, I myself have to be careful not to fall into the trap of going easy on the boys and being strict with the girls.

    We had to attend a meeting for Student Parents of MSU. It's a great resource group that gives helpful tools and resources to student parents, especially for those who are single parents. They assist in health care, childcare, financial aid and even on a need basis. My favorite is the seminars and training sessions they have that links you up with people who really make a difference and testimonies of those who make it and encourage you to do the same.

   While we were enjoying our meeting, my daughter Arielle had to do some fending off of her own. When she woke up this morning, she told us that at the day care center, where she and Caiden were during the time of the meeting, a ten year old boy came up to her and told her she was cute, pretty and HOT.  He told her that they should be boyfriend and girlfriend and that he never saw a girl like her before and they would never break up. Sirens were going off in my head and my first response was: “What craziness is this I'm hearing?” (Excuse the dialect).

   I really wanted to know who was this little ten-year-old boy and more importantly who is his parent? What are we teaching our young men that at 10 years old he would look at my 6-year-old baby and say she is HOT! Well that made me HOT. But as usual my calm and ever so great husband, who always is aware of his tone when dealing with Arielle spoke with her. He asked her how she felt about what was said and what was her response. I was happy to hear that she asked him if he was crazy that we're just kids and she's only 6. We explained to her about respecting herself and having others respect her. Also that not all kids have both parents living with them and sometimes they may be exposed to things that only adults should be exposed too. Notwithstanding the fact the television, internet and print media makes it very difficult to preserve the innocence of your kids.

  I have seen some parents in action with their sons and I’m really disgusted at their double standards. Additionally, I feel sorry for those who have to raise kids without a father. This often has a damaging effect on children, whether they are boys or girls. Sadly, there are also fathers who may be present in body but not in mind and because of this the mother has to do everything. Furthermore, I feel sorry for the father who has to raise his kids without a mother and the impact that too has on sons and daughters. Thankfully there are resources and help out there. We just have to look!

  My father left us when I was 2 years old and my mother had a very tough time raising 3 girls by herself. Despite her flaws I would say she did a great job, though it was not without several mistakes. So I am a product of being raised without a father. We eventually got a stepfather who was no different to my father in some ways and he also left. That I admit I was very happy about. Because though my father was abusive to my mom, my stepfather was abusive to us. God brought us out of that and today, though he is no longer my stepfather, we have an amicable relationship.

  My husband has always impressed me with his manners and politeness. He was raised well and I must commend his parents for that. He shocked me when I needed to cook one day, just after we were married by preparing the chicken.  He sliced it up and seasoned the thing so well; you wanted to eat it raw. I smelled so good. And he is a great cook. How he interacts with females is always above reproach and his peers and female counterparts love him. This is what I want for my son. To respect women and be just like his dad in the way he treats them. I do think I would have some work to do with Caiden. We were watching the Miss Universe pageant one night and he couldn't sleep. The women came out in their swimsuits with broad smiles showing lots of their assets. Well, my son doesn't understand that they are not really smiling at him. He thinks that they can him. So he sat himself down in front of the TV and began commenting on each woman. He can't even speak properly as yet! All I remember hearing was, “Dadadadd Breasts! Aldlaada, Butt!” And he was laughing away in his glee.  So we'll have some work to do with Caiden.

  Let's not be easier on our sons when it comes to how they should treat others. They must know to treat girls with the uttermost respect as they would if they were their sisters. And let's not forget to teach our girls to love and respect themselves. Also to be weary of when guys come to them with these lines that are centuries old and for some reason it still seems to work. My daughter can boldly say, “My dad told me that I'm pretty and cute, so I already know that.” Or, “My dad takes me out to dinner and treats me with respect.” You don't need to wait till they are old.... start now! Let's be examples to others and say we are not going to accept the status quo on how our young men and young women should be raised. Let's not leave without our daughters!

 

"Do yourself no harm, for we are all here." Acts 16:28

I can't say how many times I've read Acts chpt 16, or how many times I've heard it preached. But as I meditate on it this morning, so many salient points strike my heart and remind me about the humility of the God we serve.

Paul was on a mission - To preach the gospel to the gentiles. who were rejected by the jews and not considered worthy to be saved. On this particular trip, we are introduced to Timothy, who later on in the new testament sets a great example for young adults whose desire is to live holy and serve God to the best of their ability. vs 1-5

We are also introduced to Lydia. A woman of no great repute who after getting saved opened up her home to Paul and Silas . Paul and Silas' journey originally wasn't taking them to their encounter with lydia. In fact it was only through a vision that Paul had....where he saw a man calling for help....that he switched course and this lead to the part that struck me the most.

As they were on their way to Lydia's, a woman possessed with an evil spirt troubled them; giving them unwanted attention and publicity. Now in our present day.....some people wont think that's such a bad thing. We live in a day where people love fame and publicity and where the expression reigns 'there is no such thing as bad publicity.' But not Paul and Silas......all Glory, all honor must be given the the Almighty God.

So like any good christian man, he dealt with the situation and cast the spirit out. Of course this was the beginning of sorrows. Now if I were Paul and Silas, and someone had told me what would've happened next, I wonder if I would have even bothered with that woman. Paul and Silas was unceremoniously beaten, striped of their clothes. strips were on their backs and they were thrown in jail. All innocently and not guilty in the least. How many of us in this day and age would after being treated like this, be in jail worshiping? I doubt many of us would be that humble.

Where I live at present, their is no dishwasher, washer or dryer or ac in the apartment. 2 years ago I wouldn't even dream of living in an apartment like this. But for all we've been through and the mercies of God in our lives. I can't say enough how much I enjoying living here despite how uncomfortable the heat and lack of funds has made it. But God has been so good I just can't complain. I even went to a town meeting for the residents of the complex and was amazed at the simple things the people were complaining about. Things that they themselves had in their power to change but were either too lazy or busy blaming someone else for their problems. When I consider how so many other people are living under the poverty line or struggling just to get something to eat. It could've easily been you or me. But His mercies endure for ever.........and we must seek those who are less fortunate and help them rather than complain about a dishwasher being broken and now we have to wash dishes manually.

The other prisoners were listening to Paul and Silas. People are always watching our attitudes and responses to situations in life. If we respond as they do.....what would make them want to serve the same God we do? We stomp our toes.....the words that fly out our mouths are foul......how different are we?? The words of our mouths show the condition of our hearts.

The earthquake shook the place and the jail cells were opened and when the jailer woke up and saw this, he knew he was better off dead than to tell his bosses the prisoners escaped. Instead, Paul cries out to him "Do yourself no harm, we are all here." This is probably the same person that helped beat him and put strips on his body.....he saved his life and the man was saved to serve a Mighty God.

I can't say how many times in my life I've had to forgive those who have wronged me. Some from so many years back and I'm still forgiving them whenever the thoughts of what they did haunt me. Some of them have become my really great friends and some dear people that I love. Only a few I'm never in contact with ...but its not an easy thing ...this thing we call forgiveness. But to move beyond forgiveness and care for someone that has hurt you and do what Paul and Silas did, that's compassion and love that only comes from God.

You are always vindicated by God when you do the right thing. In the end, the rulers that put Paul and Silas in jail wanted to quietly release them because of their innocence. Paul said Oh no.......you are not getting off that easy. You come down here, let everyone see you release me....which proves you were wicked and wrong.....and shows our innocence.

Lord help me to have such an attitude that even in the midst of despair and grave circumstances, we reflect your life in ours. Wise as Serpents....harmless as doves. Amen.

Butterfly kisses at bedtime prayer.

Last night I was talking to one of my bestest childhood friends. We're more than friends and I thank God so much for her. We talked for over 2 hours, reminiscing, talking about our kids and just encouraging each other.

So many things was said but one thing stayed with me ...and I didn't even realize how much it affected me. She told me her daughter was about to start high school and it's so tough. She home schooled her and now she is releasing her. It brought sadness to me cause I know what a great mom she is and how much of her life she has invested in her kids. But she is secure in the fact that God can take care of her better than she can. So she is willing to let go.

As the kids were in bed and vaughn and I were talking, I suddenly got this picture in my mind of Arie and Caiden getting married (of course to different people). I didn't see the people but it brought tears to my eyes. And as i focused on the picture, I was telling Arie to make sure her dad sings Butterfly kisses at the wedding. She turned to me and said oh mom dad's just going to cry and embarrass me. Sure enough as the day dreaming went on....vaughn couldn't even finish the song.

I found myself lying in bed beside myself in tears. I so want the best for Arielle. She was born to us when we thought we had lost everything that was good in life. We had, just 7 months before her conception, held 2 dead baby girls in our arms and didn't think it was possible to have anymore or want to for that matter. The joy that filled our family when she was born was unmeasurable and I don't think I can do it justice in mere words

She gets me so mad though....(I kept saying to vaughn). Sometimes the decisions she makes really concerns me. Simple things I expect her to know. I just wished she would take our word for it instead of having to experience it herself. And she always knows. Then there are times when she says some deep things.....that baffles and encourage us.

LIke when Jordan passed away, she prayed (until caiden was born) for another baby brother. Then she asked God to send her a sister instead. I see her vunerabilities and her strengths and I long so much to protect her from every thing possible. I saw how Jordan's death affected her....but all we could do was counsel and pray. She is such a loving child and I love her so much.

Sometimes I wish I could tell her everything but her years and maturity wont permit me. I long to tell her about my experiences and I pray one day God will grant me this. I try as best as possible to warn her about things and the evil that exist. But i know being to detailed will make her afraid. We watched Karate Kid recently and to my surprise.....arie cried until the boy got better. I mean she wailed in the cinema and was so concerned about the boy being bullied and beaten up. I noted to myself that this child is very concerned about the well being of others and it touched me. Even though admittedly I was a little embarrassed as to how loudly she was crying.

Some how with Caiden, I'm not so concerned about him when he grows up. Each child is different. And at an early age you can usually tell their personalities. He's very confident and very sure of what he wants. But with arie, I always feel as if I have to be there ....just in case.

I finally got her to start kissing and hugging me again. She never likes much public affection but I told her that I missed my baby girl. She said she'll never not kiss and hug us again cause she didn't want to hurt our feelings. So every night at prayer we get to embrace our little girl again. Thank God for pray time and those Butterfly kisses.

My beautiful daughter Arielle Gabrianna Crichlow

Arie at 2 1/2 years old.

To God be the Glory

There is a familiar saying that is preached in the "Christian World" that whenever you go through hardship, pain, suffering and loss, that it's all for God's Glory. That God is allowing us to go thru stuff so that when we come out of it (if we do) His name will be glorified and people would look to him Yet I look at people who don't give two cents about God or Jesus and they seem to be doing just fine. And sometimes they even wonder how come these people who call themselves Christians suffer so much and always seem to go through things. These are the same questions I have asked myself. How come......?

There is a popular belief that things happen as a result of consequences of sin. Even though I don't believe that everything that happens that is bad is as a result of consequences, I do believe that this statement is often true. Then someone looking on might say well what kind of God is He that allows His people to repent, forgive them and still have to face the consequences of their actions?

Well this morning I would like to say that God is not a power hungry, Glory seeking, humiliating God. In fact, He would do anything to save us from sin, shame and the consequences of our sins. He allows things to happen not because He wants to say I told you so or simply to bring glory to himself as people would like to say. But I found out 'first hand" that the one thing God desires most is relationship with those He loves.

As we go thru early Genesis, we read of Adam's great responsibility and Eve's indiscretion. What stuck out to me the most was the fact that after Adam and Eve sinned, God came looking for them.He was accustomed to walking and talking with them. He knew where they were and what they did, but He wanted to give them the opportunity to tell Him so that relationship could be restored. He wanted them to be open and vulnerable to to Him again. To restore the highest form of intimacy that children could have with their Father.But instead, Adam and Eve taught us to do what we all do when we have done something wrong, hide ourselves and blame someone else.

I, so many times have had to ask God forgiveness, to take away the sin and the shame. And I have always had a problem when people say it's all for His Glory. God''s Glory doesn't only manifest itself when He fixes our circumstances, it's all around us. He doesn't need us to go through difficulty and pain to show Himself strong, but He allows it to forever show His love for us and to bring us back to Himself. Greater love hath no man than to lay down His life for a friend. He died so that we might live to be in communion with him His plans for us has been formed before the foundation of the earth....long before we were born. Our existance is no mistake. We exist because He loves us....and that's where His Glory manifest itself.

As a parent, it hurts me when I have to discipline my kids....more so arie.....caiden isn't at that age yet...he is still living in our grace....lol. But one thing about young kids is that when you discipline them. the younger they are the faster they fall back into relationship with you, without grudges and things return to normal. I know it's not always the same for teenagers and older children. I used to be one myself. But you long for you kids after they have been discipline to return to that place of fellowship where you could love on them and hug them. That's what it's all about. You yearn to protect them and most parents would give their lives for thier kids. Most spouses would give their lives for each other because of the love they have for each other. How much more so for a God who considers us his children and the church His Bride.

So if you are in a place where you think you cannot be forgiven or loved because of whatever you may have done. Know this .....that God is waiting on you just to call on Him. He'll never turn away from you. If people turned away....they are not God....He'll never turn away. It may seem as if He is silent; sometimes that's because He can't be around sin or He never wants to force us to do things we are not ready to do. I have to constantly go to God and repent cause I'm not near perfect.....but I know He loves me no matter what. And He longs to restore us to Himself. It doesn't matter how many times you go......just go to Him....he'll always receive you but He wants to restore you permanently to Him. So though we declare "God be the Glory for great things He has done'........remember His Glory shines greatest when our relationship with Him is restored and unbroken and when we pass it on to others. What love!