"...Not Without My Daughter!"

     If you haven't seen the movie "Not Without My Daughter”, you should rent it. I believe it came out in  '89.  It is a controversial film that showcases the various struggles of an American woman while living with her husband and daughter in a foreign country that promoted strange values and principles.

    Well yesterday I had a 'Not without my daughter' experience. No it had nothing to do with my husband and abuse of any kind, but more with how parents are raising their young men to interact with young women. Being a mother of a boy and a girl, I myself have to be careful not to fall into the trap of going easy on the boys and being strict with the girls.

    We had to attend a meeting for Student Parents of MSU. It's a great resource group that gives helpful tools and resources to student parents, especially for those who are single parents. They assist in health care, childcare, financial aid and even on a need basis. My favorite is the seminars and training sessions they have that links you up with people who really make a difference and testimonies of those who make it and encourage you to do the same.

   While we were enjoying our meeting, my daughter Arielle had to do some fending off of her own. When she woke up this morning, she told us that at the day care center, where she and Caiden were during the time of the meeting, a ten year old boy came up to her and told her she was cute, pretty and HOT.  He told her that they should be boyfriend and girlfriend and that he never saw a girl like her before and they would never break up. Sirens were going off in my head and my first response was: “What craziness is this I'm hearing?” (Excuse the dialect).

   I really wanted to know who was this little ten-year-old boy and more importantly who is his parent? What are we teaching our young men that at 10 years old he would look at my 6-year-old baby and say she is HOT! Well that made me HOT. But as usual my calm and ever so great husband, who always is aware of his tone when dealing with Arielle spoke with her. He asked her how she felt about what was said and what was her response. I was happy to hear that she asked him if he was crazy that we're just kids and she's only 6. We explained to her about respecting herself and having others respect her. Also that not all kids have both parents living with them and sometimes they may be exposed to things that only adults should be exposed too. Notwithstanding the fact the television, internet and print media makes it very difficult to preserve the innocence of your kids.

  I have seen some parents in action with their sons and I’m really disgusted at their double standards. Additionally, I feel sorry for those who have to raise kids without a father. This often has a damaging effect on children, whether they are boys or girls. Sadly, there are also fathers who may be present in body but not in mind and because of this the mother has to do everything. Furthermore, I feel sorry for the father who has to raise his kids without a mother and the impact that too has on sons and daughters. Thankfully there are resources and help out there. We just have to look!

  My father left us when I was 2 years old and my mother had a very tough time raising 3 girls by herself. Despite her flaws I would say she did a great job, though it was not without several mistakes. So I am a product of being raised without a father. We eventually got a stepfather who was no different to my father in some ways and he also left. That I admit I was very happy about. Because though my father was abusive to my mom, my stepfather was abusive to us. God brought us out of that and today, though he is no longer my stepfather, we have an amicable relationship.

  My husband has always impressed me with his manners and politeness. He was raised well and I must commend his parents for that. He shocked me when I needed to cook one day, just after we were married by preparing the chicken.  He sliced it up and seasoned the thing so well; you wanted to eat it raw. I smelled so good. And he is a great cook. How he interacts with females is always above reproach and his peers and female counterparts love him. This is what I want for my son. To respect women and be just like his dad in the way he treats them. I do think I would have some work to do with Caiden. We were watching the Miss Universe pageant one night and he couldn't sleep. The women came out in their swimsuits with broad smiles showing lots of their assets. Well, my son doesn't understand that they are not really smiling at him. He thinks that they can him. So he sat himself down in front of the TV and began commenting on each woman. He can't even speak properly as yet! All I remember hearing was, “Dadadadd Breasts! Aldlaada, Butt!” And he was laughing away in his glee.  So we'll have some work to do with Caiden.

  Let's not be easier on our sons when it comes to how they should treat others. They must know to treat girls with the uttermost respect as they would if they were their sisters. And let's not forget to teach our girls to love and respect themselves. Also to be weary of when guys come to them with these lines that are centuries old and for some reason it still seems to work. My daughter can boldly say, “My dad told me that I'm pretty and cute, so I already know that.” Or, “My dad takes me out to dinner and treats me with respect.” You don't need to wait till they are old.... start now! Let's be examples to others and say we are not going to accept the status quo on how our young men and young women should be raised. Let's not leave without our daughters!